


Jealousy

by surveycorpsjean



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Time, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-30 05:50:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6411370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surveycorpsjean/pseuds/surveycorpsjean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s so horrid- it feels like sludge in Suga’s stomach, like poison in his veins, like an itch behind his skin. </p><p>It burns, it stings. He hates it, he hates it more than anything, but he can’t help it.</p><p>He’s hopelessly in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

> this is for [les-snugglemuffins](http://les-snugglemuffins.tumblr.com/) for the hq spring fling!! :))

Jealousy.

It’s probably one of the ugliest human emotions, and it has taken over Sugawara’s life.

When Daichi and Suga graduated highschool, they, of course, ended up attending the same university. Suga looked forward to it- the idea of rooming with his best friend.

He didn’t expect Yui to attend the same University too.

“Hey, I’m going out.” Daichi says as he grabs his coat off his bed. “I’ll be back later.”

“Oh.” Sugawara looks up from his laptop, and wiggles his eyebrows, “Another date with the lady?”

Daichi’s stupid cute cheeks turn just a little pink, “Yeah. We’re going to go see a movie.”

Suga shoots him a thumbs up, “Have fun, man. You deserve a break from studying.”

Daichi smiles, “Thanks, Suga.” He reaches for the doorknob, but pauses, “Be sure you take a break too, okay buddy?”

“Whatever, whatever.” Suga waves his hand, smiling. “Go have fun.”

Daichi nods, opens the door, and leaves.

With the final click of the door, Suga’s smile falls. He takes a deep breath, and rubs his forehead with the pads of his fingertips.

Jealousy.

It’s so horrid- it feels like sludge in Suga’s stomach, like poison in his veins, like an itch behind his skin. It burns, it stings. He hates it, he hates it more than anything, but he can’t help it.

He’s hopelessly in love.

He has been for a long time now.

Suga takes another deep breath, trying to get rid the feeling of lead in his chest. He rubs his eyes, and tries to focus again on his essay. It’s hopeless now. All Suga can think about is Yui- and how _unfair_ it is. It’s unfair that she gets to touch him; she gets to hold his hand, and kiss his cheek, and feel the muscles of his stomach underneath her fingertips. She gets to touch his strong, strong thighs, and feel his laugh against her throat.

Suga has stood by Daichi’s side for years; he was there when he first learned to ride a bike, and he watched as he practiced receive after receive until his hands bled. He was there when Daichi came out as bi, hands shaking, eyes flickering between the floor and his shoes. He was there when Daichi cried at graduation, clutching onto the first years as he tried to hold back sobs.

Suga has seen it all- he’s loved him for _so, so long-_

He thought it would be enough to just be by his side, but it’s never been enough.  It’ll never _be_ enough.

Daichi is something that Sugawara cannot have, and he’s still coming to terms with that.

So he presses his face into his hands, and forces another deep breath. He threads his fingers through silver hair, and sighs as the lock and chain around his heart tightens even more.

* * *

 

“So I was thinking…” Suga says, as they walk to the cafeteria. It’s a beautiful day out, and Suga’s spirits are high. “…there’s this burger place that just opened up around the block. Everyone’s been talking about it. Do you want to go by tonight?”

“Oh!” Daichi says, with a smile that looks a little guilty. “Yui and I actually went by the other day. The rumors are true though, the food was really good!”

It takes every bit of strength Suga has to keep his composure- to keep that smile on his face. He nods, and puts on a show of fake excitement, “Really?! You’ll have to tell me about it. Did you guys have fun?”

Why did he ask that? He doesn’t want to know. He _doesn’t-_

“It was a lot of fun.” Daichi grins, and he looks so happy that the hand around Suga’s heart squeezes even harder. “She ordered way too many fries, but we were _determined_ to finish them, since we paid and everything, so we ended up stuffing ourselves sick.”

 _Cute._ Suga thinks with venom- and he hates it. He hates that he can’t be happy for his best friend.

But Suga still laughs, “Oh yeah! That must’ve been the night that you waddled into the dorm and passed out without even saying hello.”

“Sorry about that.” Daichi rubs the back of his head.

“So, have you seen Asahi around recently?” Suga _needs_ to change the subject, now.  

“Oh yeah! I saw him shuffling around the dorms the other day. We talked for a minute, but he had to leave.” Daichi shrugs.

Sugawara nods- they didn’t cross paths with him a lot. He was attending the other school down the block; the one that shared the same dorms with their university. It, unfortunately, meant that Asahi was on a different volleyball team, but it was fine. They saw him around, sometimes.

“We should text him.” Daichi suggests. “Maybe he’d like to go out and eat with us?”

“That sounds perfect.” Suga smiles, but really it doesn’t. Suga loves Asahi- he’s a great friend, but at this point Sugawara would probably murder someone for some alone time with Daichi. Yui is over almost all the time- or Daichi is at her dorm, if not. Sometimes he just wishes that-

Suga catches himself thinking ugly thoughts again, and closes his eyes. Jealousy is _so_ ugly. So, so ugly.

What Daichi says next catches Suga off guard; “So, how about we finish that season of The Office tonight, huh?”

Sugawara looks up, and doesn’t bother hiding the excitement on his face, “Yeah! Are you sure you don’t want to go out with Yui though?” _Please say no. Please say no._

“No, it’s fine.” Daichi grins, and Sugawara's breath catches in his throat. “I’ve missed hanging out with you, anyways.”

* * *

 

Suga feels good that night. They’re huddled together on Daichi’s bed, while Sugawara’s laptop is playing Netflix. They’re sharing a blanket like it’s not even weird, and laughing together like its normal.

It should be normal.

Suga can’t remember the last time he didn’t have to force his laughter, and for a single afternoon, it feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest.

It all comes crashing down when Yui texts him- the little bubble that Suga had built around them both, pops. Suga digs his nails into the palm of his hand to keep himself from thinking horrible thoughts about her. Yui is a good person. Yui is sweet, and kind, and cares so much for her friends. She’s a perfect match for Daichi.

Daichi texts something back, and locks his phone, tossing it away on the bed.

“What did she say?” Suga asks, a playful smile on his face. He nudges him with his elbow.

“N-nothing.” Daichi stutters, and Sugawara feels his heart sink into his knees. Suga knows Daichi so well- knows that his voice only stutters under one circumstance.

Sugawara gasps, playfully, “Was it something _naughty_?!”

“Shut up!” Daichi says, but there’s no venom behind it. He shoves at Suga, and he laughs. “How did you know, anyways?”

“It was written all over your face, buddy.” Suga grins, but on the inside he’s screaming. Everything about this conversation hurts, like a thousand tiny needles pricking his skin.

“Well, you do know me best.” Daichi laughs, and turns his attention back to the laptop screen.

 _Yes._ Suga thinks. _I do._

* * *

 

There’s a cute, giggly laugh, and Suga feels nauseous.

“Yeah! I was really nervous to present, but I ended up getting a good grade!”

“Wow!” Daichi expresses, “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you!” She smiles, and Daichi leans down to press a sweet kiss against her cheek.

Suga spins his rolly-chair slightly back and forth, and asks, “Is the homework really hard?”

She looks away from Daichi, and says, “Not at all! This professor just really likes to make presentations worth a _ton_ of points.”

“Ugh, I’ve been there.” Sugawara says, and tries not to look away when Daichi tightens his hold around her waist. They’re on the bed, snuggling like they always do, and Sugawara wants to jump in a furnace.

He can’t help the gross, repulsive waves of envy that flush through him. It’s his biggest character flaw, and Suga hates it.

“Hey, speaking of, don’t you have homework?” Yui pokes Daichis cheek; the one that he busted against the floor during that tournament over a year ago- the one that Suga had wanted to kiss better, but couldn’t.

Daichi gives a very unconvincing, “…Noo..” and Yui laughs, turning around in his arms to shove at his chest.

“You liar!”

Daichi laughs, and flirts back, hands moving to her sides to tickle her. She gives out a squeal, and Sugawara rolls his eyes. He says in a joking tone, “You guys are disgusting,” but he’s not a hundred percent sure if he was actually joking.

 

* * *

 

Sugawara walks back to his dorm early that next afternoon. He usually has late classes on Friday, much to his dismay, but decided to skip today. _Maybe Daichi will go get food with me, I’m starving._

He approaches his door, key in hand, and prepares to jingle with the lock that never seems to obey. He gets halfway through opening the door, before he hears something that will probably haunt him forever.

It’s a low, drawn out moan, and a female gasp.

Sugawara feels his entire body go cold. His hands freeze, and he drops the keys to the floor. There are wet, slick noises echoing from underneath the door, and Sugawara feels his hands start to shake.

He just stands there, frozen in front of the door, listening to Daichi have sex with his girlfriend.

His girlfriend that he loves.

There’s a low moan that reverberates through the door, and its beautiful- it’s something Suga has wanted to hear for _years._ He screws his eyes shut, and holds his breath.

How long have they been doing this? Was this a normal thing? Did they always have sex when he was gone?

Sugawara feels horrid, bubbling, toxic jealousy sweep through his body at an alarming rate.

Yui.

Yui gets to feel his back muscles tense as he drives his hips forwards. Yui gets to feel his sweaty hair beneath her palms. Yui gets to see his face as he comes. Yui gets to hold him afterwards. Yui gets to tell him she loves him.

Sugawara reaches down to pick up his keys, feeling numb. He tightens his grip on his bag- he probably looks like an idiot right now. Suga suddenly turns on his heel, and stalks towards the nearest frat house.

* * *

 

Suga tips back his head, and swallows down another shot.

He’s at some party. There’s people from both universities here, he assumes, as Sugawara barely recognizes anybody.

He doesn’t really care though. There’s alcohol, and that’s all Suga really needs right now. He needs to forget. He needs to forget everything.

But he doesn’t want to forget Daichi.

No- he just wants to rid himself of his horrible, sick feeling. He wants to smile for his best friend. He wants to be there for him- but that’s not really his job anymore, is it? That’s Yui’s job. Yui now takes care of him when he’s sick. She now gets to hug him to her chest when he’s sad. She gets to take him out to buy new shoes. She gets to do all the small things Suga used to do.

Sugawara gulps down another shot- one that he’s definitely going to regret tomorrow.

There’s a laugh behind him, and Suga turns to look over the back of the couch, because it’s a laugh he recognizes.

“You okay there?” Oikawa grins. Iwaizumi’s arm is around his waist.

Sugawara slams down his shot on the coffee table, and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He knows he looks nothing like himself right now- his clothes are disheveled, hair sticking up in odd places, and his usual smile is long, long gone. He probably looks half dead- but at least he looks how he feels.

“Just fine.” Sugawara grits out. Iwaizumi and Oikawa slide onto the couch across from him.

“You don’t look fine.” Oikawa states, quite obviously. “Is it Sawamura?” 

Suga’s eyes crack open, and he whips his head up to stare with ferocity. “How-“

“Sorry, buddy, but it was always kinda’ obvious.” Iwaizumi says, and tightens his arm around Oikawa.

It takes a moment for Sugawara’s drunk mind to realize just _how_ these two are at this party right now. The neighboring university. Right.

Sugawara reaches for a half-empty bottle of whisky sitting on the edge of the coffee table. “Yeah, well. I’m fine.”

“Mhmm.” Oikawa slides a hand up and down Iwaizumi’s thigh. He’s obviously a bit drunk as well. “I heard he got a new girlfriend.”

The look on Sugawara’s face gives it all away.

Oikawa laughs, “So you’re drinking to forget. I’ve been there.”

“Do you ever stop talking?”

“No.” Iwaizumi answers for him, but doesn’t stop Oikawa from feeling up his leg.

Sugawara doesn’t say anything- he just takes a big swig from the bottle, and tries not to think about Daichi having sex with his girlfriend.

“We can help.”

Sugawara looks up, and Oikawa has his hand almost fully down Iwaizumi’s pants. The loud music seems to fade out to Suga’s ears.

“Iwa-chan and I.” Oikawa grins, and looks over to his boyfriend for an approving nod, “We can help you forget.”

It might’ve been the alcohol clouding his judgement. Or it might’ve been his broken heart, or maybe both, but it doesn’t take long for Suga to nod, taking another swig before slamming down the bottle and standing up.

* * *

 

When Sugawara wakes up, he’s completely surprised to see that he’d made it back to the dorm. He has a vague memory of stumbling down the hallway at four in the morning, and hopes he didn’t do too much damage when he threw up on that houseplant.

Suga groans, and presses his fingertips against his temple. This is definitely going to be a hangover for the ages. He can feel soreness all throughout his back and his neck, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he did at that party.

So he closes his eyes, and doesn’t wake up again until Daichi opens the door.

“Hey, I’m back.” Daichi says, locking the door behind him. He must’ve spent the night at Yui’s, and that thought alone makes him want to throw up- although, the hangover isn’t helping.

Sugawara groans, and throws the blanket over his head. Death might be sweeter than this.

“You’re still in bed?” Daichi’s voice is full of disbelief. Sugawara usually doesn’t sleep in past noon. “Did you stay up late last night?”

“Sort of.” Sugawara groans, and rolls back over.

He feels his warm, safe cocoon being ripped away from him as Daichi pulls back the blanket.

“Are…” Daichi nearly laughs, “Are you hungover?”

“Please stop talking so loud.” Sugawara mumbles, and covers his eyes with his hands.

Daichi laughs, “You must’ve drank a lot, you look horrible.”

“Thanks.”

“Where did you go?”

“Some frat party.”

“Huh.” Daichi blinks in disbelief, “I didn’t think you were the type to-“ His sentence falls short when Sugawara’s shirt collar rides down as he shifts in bed. Daichi’s eyes go wide, and his voice darkens as he barks, “Who did this?”

Sugawara peeps open an eye, “Huh?”

“Who did this to you?” Daichi repeats in a voice that Suga hasn’t heard since Karasuno. Daichi grips the front of Suga’s shirt, and pulls the collar down. Daichi is staring at his neck, and Suga places a cold hand against it.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

Right.

He’s covered in deep, purple hickeys from his ear to his chest, each one bigger than the last. He knows his back is painted in red angry lines from Oikawa’s nails, and swollen bite marks from Iwaizumi’s teeth. He doesn’t even want to think about his thighs and his ass at this point either. Oikawa and Iwaizumi were rough, but they were right. For a while, he did forget.

Suga laughs in an attempt to lessen the fire burning in Daichi’s eyes, “I told you, I went to a party.” Daichi slowly lets go of his shirt.

“I didn’t know you were seeing someone.” Daichi says, realizing that he doesn’t really have the right to parent Sugawara, but does anyways.

“I’m not.” Suga says bluntly, and Daichi nearly recoils.

“Y-you-“

“Oikawa and Iwaizumi offered.” Sugawara tries to say casually. “I said okay.”

The look on Daichi’s face is incredible, and Suga feels bad for thinking that it makes him feel a little satisfied. Daichi looks horrified, and he sputters over his words, “Y-you just, you- you slept with-“

“You sleep with your girlfriend, right?” Suga sits up in bed, and really regrets it. He winces as he says in the most casual tone he can manage, “I just wanted to fuck someone. I got a two for one package. It’s not a big deal.”

Daichi looks like he’s trying to process too much information, so he waddles over to his bed and sits down. “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.” He sighs, “I just thought they hurt you. Your neck is a disaster.”

Suga has to take a moment to remind himself _he only cares because we’re friends, he only cares because we’re friends-_

Sugawara laughs, “You should see the rest of me.” And then instantly regrets saying that, because Daichi looks like his eyes are about to pop out of his head.

But at that moment, Sugawara realizes something. He’s gotten Daichi’s attention. For the first time in months, he’s _really_ got Daichi’s attention.

And it feels so, so good.

* * *

 

The next weekend, Sugawara stumbles home at two in the morning. He doesn’t really expect Daichi to be at the room, so he’s surprised to see him up at his desk when he walks in.

“Oh.” Sugawara whispers, and closes the door before he wakes up anyone else in the hall. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“I told Yui I needed to study.” Daichi says, and Sugawara feels his body run hot from the intensity of his stare. “Where were you?”

Sugawara bites back a retort, and shrugs, limping towards his bed. It’s pretty obvious what just went down; his clothes rumpled, hair a disaster, lips swollen. He flops down onto his stomach on his bed, and sighs, pretending that he can’t see Daichi staring from his desk.

“Are you alright?”

Suga holds his breath at the sincerity of the question. He’s being a good friend. They’re friends. Friends. Friends. _Friends. Friends-_

“Yeah.” Suga smiles, and gives him a look that’s borderline seductive. “Just sore.”

Daichi’s face nearly goes red, and he turns to look back down at his textbook. That shuts him up real fast. Sugawara shimmies out of his jeans, chucking them to the floor to pick up later. He’s hot, and still a little sweaty, and flops his head face down on the pillow.

It’s not unusual for them to undress around each other- but now all the hickeys on his thighs are visible for the world to see, and Daichi can’t stop staring. There’s hand-shaped bruises behind his knees, and Daichi rips his eyes away before Sugawara can turn to see him looking.

* * *

 

The next weekend, Sugawara is alone in their dorm. He’s naked, except for the boxer briefs, and stares in the mirror to take in all the damage Oikawa and Iwaizumi have done.

There are imprints from the leather around his wrists, and his ankles. He’s covered in love bites, and bruises from their fingers. He trails his hand over his ribs, and can’t help but notice that he’s lost some muscle mass. _Fuck._ Sugawara thinks, _I need to get in shape for volleyball._  Speaking of, he’s definitely going to have to do something to hide all these hickies on his legs before practice.

He presses his fingers into his stomach, and trails his hand straight up his chest, following the rope burns there. It hurts, but it feels good. It’s what Sugawara needs. He likes it.

Weeks pass. Sugawara continues to see Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

The sex is good, but it’s not what Suga is after. He comes home with bruises, rope burns, and teeth marks, but they’re not given by the one he wants.  

Suga realizes he’s doing this all for attention. He’s coming home, ravished and marked just to see the surprised look on Daichi’s face.

But he can’t stop. Suga can’t stop, because in those few hours, Sugawara forgets. He forgets the pain, and the jealousy, and all he can think about is the feeling of getting his brains fucked out, hard. Hard enough to get a reaction from Daichi- the man he’s really in love with.

This whole situation is so fucked up, but Suga doesn’t know how to fix it.

Well, he does, but he’s sure as hell not going to do it.

He’d ruin everything if he told Daichi how he felt. He’d ruin years and years of precious memories, and Sugawara would rather take it up the ass from someone he doesn’t love every day for the rest of his life, than ruin that.

Everything changes when Sugawara limps to the dorm one day, and sees Daichi on the bed, head in his hands. All the air in his chest leaves, like he was kicked in the gut. His eyes are red, but that’s the only tell-tale sign that Daichi has been crying.

“D-daichi.” Suga stutters, and closes the door behind him. “Are you okay?”

Daichi’s head whips up, and he rubs at his eyes, “Yeah, yeah. Fine. How are you?”

“Shut up, what happened?” Sugawara takes a seat on his bed, and winces at the pain. The wince doesn’t go unnoticed, and Daichi glares,

“Did they hurt you?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Did they hurt you?”

“I _said,_ what’s wrong?” Sugawara says slowly, and Daichi gives an equally determined reply.

“Did they. Hurt you?”

“No.” Sugawara lies. They were a little too rough today, but its fine. He asked them to do it. “What happened?”

“I broke up with Yui.”

It takes a moment for that phrase to register in Suga’s brain. He freezes, and it takes all his willpower to not smile- and that fact alone, makes him feel like a terrible person.

“W-why?”

“I just…” Daichi sighs, “I just didn’t like her anymore, is all.”

“That’s a lie.” Sugawara presses, eyebrows drawing together, “You _love_ her.”

“What do you know?” Daichi spits, and it’s like a slap to the face.

“What?”

“I said what do you know?” Daichi scowls. “You don’t know anything.”

Sugawara sputters, sudden courage coming from nowhere, “Because you never _tell_ me anything anymore! How would I know, if you never talk to me?”

It’s Daichi’s turn to pause in shock, and he nearly yells, “Well that’s because you’re gone all the time! You’re always off fucking Oikawa and-“

“Oh ho.” Suga spits, cutting off Daichi and standing up and away from the bed. “You are _not_ one to talk. For months you hardly came home, and if you did, it was with _Yui_ -“

“Hey.” Daichi growls, “That’s because she was my girlfriend, not my _fuck buddy._ Wait, excuse me, fuck _buddies._ ”

“Why are you so upset?!” Suga is yelling now, too many different emotions swirling around in his body. “Why do you even care what I do?”

“Because I _love_ you!”

Everything stops. The yelling, the blood rushing past his ears, the deep dark pit in his chest. It stops for just a moment, before it all comes crashing back, a million times worse than before.

“W-what?” Suga whispers, staring down at Daichi, who is still perched on the edge of the bed. “Are you kidding me?”

Daichi is giving him a look like it’s not the response he was expecting. “Of course not. I…I can’t stand to see you come home like that.” He gestures to the new bruise forming on the side of his neck. “I can’t stand seeing someone else mark you up as their own, like, like some kind of object. I _can’t_.”

Suga is seeing red. He’s seeing so many different shades of red, that his hands are shaking. He manages to spit out in the darkest voice he can muster, “How. _Dare._ You.”

Daichi freezes, “What-“

“How dare you?!” Suga swipes the box of tissues off their bedside table, and flings it at Daichi. “How dare you? How dare you?!” He grabs the multiple empty soda cans, and chucks them one after the other. Daichi puts up a hand against his face, blocking against the onslaught of objects.

Suga sputters backwards, towards the door, and cries out, “You are an asshole. How could you? I thought we were friends. I thought-”

“How could I what?” Daichi fights back, “Fall in love with you? Look, I’m _sorry-_ ”

“Make fun of my feelings like this!” Suga cries out, and fuck, he’s crying, isn’t he? “You are _heartless._ You don’t love me.”

“What?!” Daichi stands, and tries to cross the room towards Sugawara, but the shorter just looks for more things to throw.

“You’re the worst!” Suga yells, and he feels a sob wretch itself from his body. “Don’t you know how long I’ve been in love with you? Don’t you know?!”

Daichi freezes where he stands, feet glued to the floor. He doesn’t even move to block an empty water bottle that Suga throws, and it smacks him right in the chest. Daichi is still staring at him with wide eyes. He says in a very soft voice, “You… are?”

“Of course!” Suga is shaking, and he rubs at his eyes with the heel of his palm, “You idiot. You big, stupid, stupid idiot.”

“This…this whole time?”

“Why else would I start sleeping with Oikawa and Iwaziumi?” Sugawara hiccups, and looks away. “It hurt so bad, Daichi. Every time you touched her, it hurt so bad. I’m a horrible person. I was so, so jealous.”

Daichi is still frozen- he looks as if his entire world has been shattered apart. His mouth is slightly open, hands limp by his sides.

Suga stutters, “B-but I’m not as horrible as you. How could you make fun of me like this? Faking a confession. I hate you. I _hate you-“_

Daichi finally moves. In two strides, he’s pressed up against Suga, his right hand behind his head to tangle in messy silver hair. He pulls, hard, and yanks Suga upwards, forcing their lips together in a firm kiss.

Sugawara tries to pull back, tries to scream _just how far are you going to joke?!_ But Daichi is adamant. He grips Suga by the hip with his left hand, and pulls him impossibly close, desperately trying to convey everything through their kiss. Sugawara can’t help but relax, because this is something he’s dreamed about for _years._

Daichi's bottom lip slides against his own, almost shakily. He tastes like diet coke, and something distinctly Daichi.

Suga’s heart is still beating way too fast, and his hands are still shaking. He doesn’t know what is happening, he doesn’t _understand-_ but suddenly the only thing that matters is Daichi’s incredibly soft lips moving against his own. A slow tingling feeling makes its way up his spine, and the chain around his heart lessens, just a little.

Daichi pulls back- but not far. He’s just far enough so that their lips are barely touching, labored breath ghosting across each other’s faces. Suga opens his eyes, and looks right into Daichi’s pretty brown ones. They’re close- closer than he’s ever seen them before, and he thinks he might’ve just fallen in love all over again.

Suga doesn’t know what to say, but that’s okay, because Daichi begins to speak.

“The tournament against Aoba Josei. The one we lost.” He says, and pulls his hand out of Sugawara’s hair to support behind his neck. It's strong, and warm. “When they subbed you in for Kageyama, and you looked so happy to be a part of the team. I watched you bring the spirits of the team up single handedly. You became the heart of Karasuno, and did things that I never could.”

“What…” Sugawara pushes his eyebrows together, because this really has nothing to do with the subject at hand.

Daichi’s brown eyes drink him in, and he says, in a soft voice, “That’s when I fell in love with you.”

The tears start all over again- and Sugawara is reminded of how much he really hates crying, but he can’t help it. He pulls away, head thumping against the door, and presses his face into his hands.

“S-stop joking-“

“I’m not joking.” Daichi’s left hand is still on his hip, and he pulls him back towards him again. “I love you Suga. I _love_ you- I love everything about you.”

“Why didn’t you _tell_ me.” Suga drops his hands, and lets Daichi see the red around his eyes. “Why?!”

“I didn’t…I didn’t want to ruin this. Us.”

Sugawara’s gaze hardens, “If you liked me, then why did you date Yui?”

“I wanted to try to move on.” Daichi looks away from Suga, eyes dropping down to the hand-shaped bruises around his throat. He trails a thumb across the skin very lightly, “I thought I could forget how I felt.”

“You’re an idiot.” Sugawara says, but there’s no venom behind the words. “You’re so stupid.”

“I know.” Daichi says, “I’m sorry.” He presses his face against Sugawara’s shoulder, and Suga hiccups, holding back another sob. “I was so jealous, Suga. That they got to touch you, and I didn’t. Every time you came back limping, or covered in bruises, I wanted to kill them.”

“Don’t even get me started, buddy.” Suga says in a soft voice, and Daichi laughs against his throat.

They’re silent for a moment. Suga lets his arms curl behind Daichi’s back, and the taller tightens his hold. Suga can finally breathe again- he feels like a new person, but also like he needs to sleep for the next six years. He can feel Daichi’s body move with each breath, and he takes a moment to appreciate it- appreciate the back beneath his hands, and the face buried in his neck.

Suga can feel Daichi trail his fingers off his hip, and push his shirt upwards just a hair. Already, there’s an array of purple and teeth marks visible, and he can feel Daichi cringe.

“You did this because of me?” Daichi asks, but it sounds more like a statement.

“Yeah.” Suga says, “I wanted it.” _But I wanted it from you, more._

“You tell them,” Daichi growls, “You tell them you’re done.”

Sugawara smiles, and squeezes Daichi just a little tighter.

“Yeah. Yeah.”

* * *

 

The bruises fade. They fade, just like the scars left over from Sugawara’s gross jealousy.

Suga makes an effort to see Yui in the upcoming weeks; he does it to rid himself of the guilt and memories, and Yui hugs him, saying all is okay.

He’s also surprised when he texts Oikawa, telling him the truth- Oikawa and Iwaizumi come find him in person to congratulate him. They give him a hug and a thumbs up, telling him that they knew everything would work out in the end. They are much nicer than anyone ever gives them credit for.

 Suga is the happiest he’s ever been; he can touch Daichi. He can trail his fingers across his arms, he can weave his hands in his hair. He can sit on his lap and kiss him good morning and fall asleep in the same bed after eating too much pizza. He can attend volleyball practice without a weight on his heart; the chains have been truly lifted.

For a few weeks, they dance around each other; its all soft, gentle touches, and hesitant gestures. They've grown up together- yet they're relearning each other- relearning boundaries. Its soft thighs pressed together, sharing Suga's bed- it's gentle fingers through hair- it's slow kisses. 

They’re sitting on Daichi’s bed, watching Netflix and cuddling, when Daichi reaches over to press a soft kiss to the side of his face, right over his beauty mark. Suga giggles, and feels him press another, and another.

“Gross.” Suga jokes, but turns his head to let Daichi kiss him for real. He isn’t sure if he’ll ever get used to the feeling. Daichi is such a good kisser. He’s gentle, but firm, and unwavering, and it resembles his personality. Their lips slide together, as if they were a lock and key, meant to be together.

Suga feels a hand reach down to press into his hipbones, and he smiles. He turns, and straddles Daichi in one swift move. Daichi freezes underneath him, and Sugawara laughs, “What?”

“Nothing.” Daichi says quickly, and rests both his hands on his hips. He rubs his fingers in gentle circles, and pushes up his shirt, just barely. “You’re so pretty.”

“Don’t lie.” Suga says in a teasing tone, and leans down to kiss him again.

“I’m not.” Daichi mumbles against his lips, “I’ve always thought you were.”

Suga reaches down to squeeze the thighs beneath him, “I don’t have _these_ though.”

“Dammit, don’t bring that up again.” Daichi laughs, and worms his warm hands up Suga’s torso. His fingers map out the skin, memorizing every dip and crevice.

“Bring what up?” Suga teases.

“That stupid nickname they gave me.” He shakes his head, “Those pesky Kouhai.”

Suga laughs, and it sounds beautiful to Daichi’s ears. “Oh come on, _thigh-chi.”_ He presses his fingers into his thighs again, and trails his fingers up and down the muscle there. He can still feel how strong it is through Daichi’s grey sweatpants.

Daichi cringes at the nickname, “Ugh.”

Suga laughs again, and feels lips press up against his throat. He chokes off his laugh, and sighs. Daichi presses kiss after kiss down his neck, stopping at his collarbone. He uses his tongue to press into the divot there, and Suga sighs again. Little sparks travel up his chest, and settle in his heart. He lets his fingers fall into Daichi’s hair, and massages his nails soothingly into his scalp.

A part of Suga begins to think _did he do this with Yui?_

But he stops himself short, because those thoughts don’t matter anymore.

Daichi pushes his shirt up and over his head, and goes back to pressing soft kisses against his shoulder. Strong hands dip down and around his ass, and squeeze, firmly. Suga lets out a little sound, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Daichi.

“C’mere.” Suga whispers, and Daichi’s head pops back up into view. He moves his hands to squish Daichi’s cheeks, and brings his face towards his own. He feels Daichi sigh, and Suga kisses him with vigor. Daichi returns everything Suga gives him- every bite, lick and scratch. It feels so good, it feels _so, so_ good, that Suga thinks this might be a dream.

He never kissed Oikawa, or Iwaizumi.

Daichi’s hands squeeze his ass once more, and Sugawara drives his hips forwards. Daichi’s sweatpants aren’t really doing anything to hide his growing erection, but Suga is wearing basketball shorts, so, he’s not one to talk. He grinds down again, and Daichi groans beneath him.

“Can I?” Daichi asks, in a low voice, and honestly that tone goes right to Suga’s crotch.

“Hell yeah,” Suga whispers, and Daichi shoves down his shorts off his pale, thin hips. Daichi has never touched him before, but he wraps his hand around Suga’s cock like he’s done it a thousand times.

Suga shudders, and can’t help the tiny gasp that escapes him. He rocks forwards into his hand, and Daichi groans, “Fuck, Suga.”

“W-what?”

Daichi drags his hand up and around the head, firmly, and gently trails his hand back down. All he says is, “Gorgeous.” And continues to pump, twist, and squeeze his hand, watching to see how Suga will react. Daichi touches him gently, and firmly, a perfect mix between the two.

Sugawara grinds forwards, and gasps, “Hey, you’re wearing more clothes than I am.”

Daichi gives him a look, like he doesn’t want to stop what he’s doing, but pauses anyways. He rips off his shirt, and Suga’s cock literally bounces against his thigh. _He thinks I’m pretty?_   Suga’s hands fall to Daichi’s abs, like they’re magnetized. They’re defined, and feel so nice beneath his fingertips. 

Daichi squeezes Suga’s ass with his left hand, and tugs him towards himself, rubbing Suga’s erection against his clothed one. Suga’s hands immediately dip down to push Daichi’s sweatpants down too- and _fuck_ Daichis skin is so tan and soft and Sugawara wants to lick all of it.

Daichi’s cock is swollen already, just from this- but damn, it’s so beautiful. Suga eagerly wraps his hands around him, and relishes in how good he feels. Daichi is hard for _him. Just him._  He sighs, and leans forwards to press a kiss against Daichi’s throat. He mumbles against his neck, “I’ve waited so long for this.”  _Years, and years._

Daichi replies, smoothly, “Then we should get moving.”

Suga has half a thought, before Daichi thrusts upwards, and grinds Suga down on top of him. Suga can’t help the whine that’s practically stolen out of his throat, and he presses his hips down against Daichi’s. Daichi’s hands fall to his thighs. He rubs them, presses into them with his thumbs, and trails upwards, towards his cock. Suga feels like he’s floating, and he can’t help but moan right in his ear “D-daichi.”

That must’ve done something, because Daichi moves faster than Suga has ever seen him do in his life. He wraps his hands underneath his thighs, and flips Sugawara right onto his back. He crawls up his body, and begins to drink in Suga’s lips like he needs him to live.

Now this- this is something that Suga can get on board with.

He groans, and wraps his arms behind Daichi’s neck, bringing him down to slide his tongue into his mouth. Their cocks slide together again, and they moan, simultaneously. Daichi is so beautiful, so good. So, so hot. So perfect.

He must’ve mumbled that out loud, because Daichi’s face began to pink, slightly. Daichi mumbles against his lips, “I-I can’t wait, Suga.”

“Don’t.” Suga gasps, “ I’m impossibly hard.”

Daichi gives a small chuckle at that, and rolls off him to dig into the bedside drawer- Suga closes his eyes to take this all in. He reminds himself _this is real, this is real._

Daichi is back over him in an instant, sliding his shorts off his legs, and chucking them onto the floor somewhere. Sugawara opens his eyes; he is naked now, and Daichi sits back on his knees to just _look_. Sugawara doesn’t cover himself, but can’t hide the pink that flushes from his ears to his neck. Daichi reaches down and spreads his thighs- eyes scanning across pale skin.

“Daichi…”

“Koushi…” Daichi says in an equally low voice, and Suga’s face reddens more.

He doesn’t even know why he’s embarrassed. He did so, _so_ much more with Oikawa and Iwaizumi- not to mention the other lovers he had in high school, but here he is, flushing just because Daichi is looking at him. Maybe it’s the intimacy. Maybe it’s because he loves him.

It just feels so different.

Daichi reaches down to press a kiss to Sugawara’s navel. He breathes in, nose pressing against Suga’s stomach, before leaning back to slick his fingers with lube. Suga watches him- watches him as he first takes Suga’s cock in his slick hands, and gives him two full, _amazing_ pumps, before sliding his hand downward. He places a hand underneath Suga’s thigh, and yanks him forwards, throwing his leg up and over his shoulder. A part of Suga really likes being manhandled, so he shifts, silently, closer to Daichi, and closes his eyes as he slips in a single digit.

Suga doesn’t need much stretching, but Daichi does it anyways. He’s so soft, and gentle, thrusting one finger, then two. Suga whips his head back and groans, and feels Daichi shift forwards to bite gently at the newly exposed skin.

Daichi curls his fingers, and Suga _moans._ Daichi’s cock hardens to an _entirely new level,_ and resists the urge to grind against the sheets. He curls his fingers again, and Suga shivers beneath him.

“This isn’t your first time doing this.” Suga states, voice already wrecked. He watches Daichi with watery eyes.

Daichi chuckles, low, “No.”

Suga opens his mouth to retort, but it falls silent when Daichi adds another finger. Daichi slides his fingers in and out steadily, left hand caressing the thigh by his ear. Suga groans, and thrusts his hips forwards, onto his fingers.

“Were you this good for them?” Daichi’s low, rough voice asks, eyes watching his own fingers disappear inside Sugawara.

“H-nnh-huh?”

Daichi curls his fingers, and watches as Suga’s body shivers, and moves perfectly for him. He’s completely relaxed- completely trusting in Daichi. He’s captivated by Suga’s body.

“For Oikawa and Iwaizumi.”

“Nnn...” Suga takes a deep breath, and squeezes his leg that’s thrown over Daichi’s shoulder. “It wasn’t like this.”

“What do you mean?” Daichi blinks, and turns to press a kiss on the inside of his thigh.

“Romantic.” Damn, he’s definitely blushing again. “It feels much better. With you.”

Daichi smiles against his thigh, and draws out his fingers completely. Suga resists the urge to wine, and drops his leg back down to the bed.

“Well, I feel the same way.” Daichi says, sliding his sweatpants and boxer briefs halfway down his ass. He quickly rolls on a condom, and slicks his cock again with lube, and Suga’s heart nearly beats out of his chest. “This is completely different.”

_Than with Yui._

That shouldn’t have made Sugawara feel as good as it did- but he still beams, brilliantly. The man above him opens up his thighs once more, and lines himself up against Suga. He trails his cock gently against his ass, for a moment, just rocking back and forth.

“Daichi.” Suga glares, “You better move.”

Daichi lets out a laugh. It’s familiar, and reminds Suga that this is _Daichi._ This is his best friend- who he loves more than anything. Daichi slides his hips forwards, and pushes in halfway. There isn’t a huge amount of resistance, but they simultaneously _moan._

“ _Holy_ shit,” Suga grips the sheets above his head. Daichi feels so good, so perfect. It’s unlike anything he’s ever felt, and it seems like his heart might explode.  “ _Move move move-_ “

“I can’t.” Daichi’s face is twists into something gorgeous. “I’ll come.”

Suga’s cock twitches against his hip, and he groans, squeezing his eyes shut. Daichi stills above him, for just a moment, before he pulls back, to piston his hips forwards. Suga keens- he’s wanted his, he’s _needed_ this, for so, so long.

For years this was just a wet dream, just something his subconscious teased him with- but now, here he was, threading his fingers through Daichi’s hair and grinding his hips to meet his every thrust. The sounds are lewd, and wet, and everything Sugawara has ever wanted.

Daichi is so gentle with him. He squeezes Suga’s thighs, and slides forwards, still on his knees. Suga wraps his legs around Daichi’s torso, who then takes it upon himself to reach for Suga’s cock.

“D-don’t.” Sugawara groans, “Don’t. I want to come from this.”

Daichi understands what Suga is asking, but can’t help the surprise that falls on his face. He takes to a gentle, easy rhythm, slowly sliding in and out of Sugawara. Daichi's beautifully chiseled face looms above him, his features twisted in a mix of disbelief and endearing seriousness. Suga's entire body burns slowly, white, and hot. It’s wonderful, but Suga needs _more._

Suga groans, and tightens his grip on the sheets. He gives a shallow thrust forwards, and Sugawara gasps, “Daichi. I won’t break.”

Daichi pauses. He stares down at Suga with beautiful brown eyes, and doesn't move.

 _"Daichi._ " Suga groans, and wiggles his hips, "That is the  _opposite_ of what I'm saying."

Daichi's mouth opens, and then closes, and then opens again- yet no words come out.

Suga wiggles his hips again, and groans, because _now_ is not the time for Daichi to have second thoughts-  "Daichi, _please._  Do I have to beg? Please,  _please-_ " 

 Something in Daichi snaps. He pulls out of Suga- something Suga does _not_ approve of- and wraps his arms around Sugawara’s waist. He flips him right onto his hands and knees, and snaps his hips forwards, building up a rough rhythm immediately.

Suga is a waterfall. He’s spilling out nonsense, gurgling moans and crying out Daichi’s name like a mantra.

“Fuck, fuck _fuck-_ “ Suga cries out, gripping the sheets beneath his hands and taking everything Daichi has to give him. This was exactly what he had in mind. “Holy shit, _Daichi-_ “

Daichi says his name, rough, and broken, “ _Koushi.”_  and Suga feels that familiar coil winding deep within himself. He's not sure if he can ever hear his first name again, now. Hearing Daichi groan it into his shoulder blades, raspy, and deep like that- _fuck._  

 Daichi fucks him so good, and Sugawara tries to memorize every sound Daichi makes against his spine. He feels him sink his teeth into his shoulder- something Iwaizumi liked to do- but it feels different. It’s so much more intimate, and Suga can’t wait for Daichi to mark him up more- paint his body with bruises that he can be proud of.

Daichi is so good at this; his hips know exactly what to do, the hand at his waist pulling and pushing, thighs meeing thighs. There was no way Suga would last- there was absolutely no way, especially since he had waited so _, so_ long for this.

“I’m-“ Suga groans, forehead falling against the bed, “I’m-“

“Please.” Daichi says against his skin, “I love you, please-“

Suga comes, harder than he ever has in his life, mouth saying things he won’t remember tomorrow. His vision whites out, just as he feels Daichi tense and groan low, and deep behind him.

* * *

 

It’s not as weird as you think- dating your best friend.

Everything is pretty much the same. They still go out for breakfast, and still stay in to watch movies.  Daichi still laughs when Suga spits milk out of his nose- Suga still wakes him up at four in the morning to ask _do you think slugs have feelings? No, i'm serious, hear me out-_

It's still the same...or at least...it's how it used to be. 

Except now they hold hands, and kiss, especially when the weather gets cold.

Suga still gets jealous. They still fight about stupid things. They still hold grudges.

But now they make up, and cry into each other’s arms and kiss away each other’s pain, no longer holding secrets- no longer keeping chains locked around their hearts.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on [tumblr](http://zanimez.tumblr.com/) yoo


End file.
